Through The Eyes of Madness
Authors: K.A. Graham & Barb Shuler
Publish Date: March 20, 2018
Genre: Dark Suspense, Psychological Thriller
I Will Survive Him
No one sets out in life to hit rock bottom.
I found the man I loved, got married, and that was all I got. It went south so fast I never saw the bottom coming, until I was face first in the darkness with the devil himself.
I became a spiraling tornado of chaos. Love, lies, and drugs. It twisted around me, as did his arms. Nothing was the same, nothing will ever be the same…
Life is not for the faint of heart.
In the journey to find out where we fit, we often find road bumps we have to jump over, streams we must swim through, a lake we have to paddle across and yes, at times, a landmine – or three – to traverse. Metaphorically speaking, that is. Life is often – as Forrest Gump would say – like a box of chocolates. Each one a new exciting adventure for us. Then you have some lives that take a different path. Those are like a bag of chips. Sometimes they’ll be cracked, others they’ll be split in two, and on the rarest of occasions, they’ll be whole.
There is nothing shameful in this. No, your life is a building block for your day to day struggles. You have to crumble before you can put yourself back together. Crumbly piece by crumbly piece.
I’ve always been up front and honest with my patients. If you’re honest with me, I’ll be honest with you. There are a number of ways to proceed through the mishaps in our lives. There is no one punishing you for a past life. There is no divine spirit waiting to strike you down when you land on your ass. There may be someone who loves you, who is concerned for your safety, waiting to run into a burning building and drag you back out. They may even be able to carry you out.
The freedom of choosing whether to give your trust to someone is always yours alone. Your heart, and your sanity, are both precious commodities that are in demand from time to time. With each new person that comes into your life, you have to bravely open yourself up to whatever may come to be. You may be presented with a person that’s not there for you. Someone who only want to use you, draining you dry and then move on to their next victim. But then, you will meet people that are here in your life to be your friends, or your partner-in-crime so-to-speak, and some of them will be the other piece of a puzzle that’s made just for you.
It’s up to you to figure out who fits where in your life, and how you want them to be present. In the end, only you can decide what’s up or down, good or bad, and right or wrong for you. Each day is a new adventure, and only you know how to look at it.
This is what I’ve set out to show one of my newest patients. She’s had a hard ride in this life so far. No good deeds, nor bad efforts, can be left behind. I have to get into her head and try my best to put her back together, one piece at a time.
As I embark on this life altering path, she and I will tackle her demons, spear her doubts, and pull in all the good vibes we can. Her diary, which will become a part of her daily life, will tell me more than she can sitting in a chair in my office. It will show me exactly where this all started. Where this poor woman made the wrong step on the path and became defeated, and broken.
I, Genny Horn, will take this poor woman and make her feel loved, needed and whole again no matter how much time it takes. All good things come in time. Let’s just hope that stays true for Anna.
My journey into the madness started the day I got a “Dear Anna, I’m not in love with you anymore, I filed for divorce, and I’m moving out.” email. (Yes, you read that right, I got a Dear John email) from my “thought to be perfect” husband, who happened to be cheating on me with one of my so called best friends.
I always knew they were more than “just friends”, but you never want to admit the supposed love of your life isn’t who you thought he was.
After I lost our daughter – which was the second loss I’d suffered – I went into a tailspin of darkness. Feeling alone, inadequate as a woman, and downright worthless, I knew I was pushing him away. Little did I know, I was pushing him right into the arms of another woman.
Denial, lots and lots of denial was happening. It’s like when you see a bug on the windshield of your car. You see the bastard crawling across, but you try to ignore it or you say, “Oh, it’s on the outside. It’s not going to bother me.” I. Let. It. All. Pass.
I thought this was the worst betrayal I could face in life, but I was wrong, so fucking wrong. I can hardly remember a time in life when things were simple and carefree. The happy times have been few and far between, but you bet your ass I hold onto them like my life depends on it. My parents have always been my heart and soul, and without them, I’d probably have lost what little sanity I have left, a long time ago. Because of them, I consider myself pretty damn lucky to have at least two people who I know will never betray or let me down, and I will forever be in their debt.
My mom is my idol. Literally. She’s fought cancer twice, came back swinging each time, and remains with us today. She’s the strongest woman I know. Maybe someday, I will live up to be half the woman she is. Cancer runs rampant in her family, therefore, I was tested for the breast cancer gene. It came back positive, which wasn’t a big surprise to any of us. The doctors have advised me on many options, and I listened, but I’ve chosen to deal with it when or if that time ever comes. We all pray it doesn’t!
After what I refer to as “Mommy paying for her son to get a quickie divorce from the girl who never fit the mold”, I struggled to find myself and the inner peace I so desperately sought. What the hell does a girl have to do to catch a damn break? Sell her soul to the devil himself? I wish I could say that’s just a bad joke, but it turns out, it really isn’t, not in my case. Some would say that’s exactly what I did, and they’d probably be right.
Oh yeah. Did I mention I’ve been through the pitfalls of life? No, I’m not trying to make this all about me, poor Anna, but hell, I’ve seen and done some things in my life that make me cringe, and some that make me want to slap the stupid straight away from myself. Just to name a few: Losing two babies (due to health issues), faltering through meth addiction (beating it and staying clean), struggling with self esteem issues and anxiety; I mean the list goes on. Now in my 30’s, you’d think I’d have my shit together, right? WRONG!
Just maybe, after reading my story, you will challenge yourself to find what makes you happy, never let go of who you are for anyone, and bust life’s balls when it gets you down! I wish I’d had that strength three and a half years ago when I first set my sights on the sexy, mysterious guy with the deep blue eyes. He took me for the ride of my life, which eventually ended in heartbreak and devastation. I’ve finally looked into the eyes of manipulation and narcissism at its best, and it’s a killer.
~ Playlist ~
Through The Eyes of Madness
Alone – I Prevail
Better Man – Little Big Town
Bitter Pill – Gavin James
Cold – Crossfade
Cry Me A River – Justin Timberlake
Different For Girls – Dierks Bentley
Dirty Laundry – Carrie Underwood
Dive – Ed Sheeran
Elastic Heart – Sia
Fighter – Keith Urban (ft Carrie Underwood)
Habit of You – Keith Urban
Home Alone – Luke Bryan (ft Karen Fairchild)
Inner Demons –
Issues – Julia Michaels
My Heart I Surrender – I Prevail
Nightmare – Avenged Sevenfold
Over You – Daughtry
Scars – I Prevail
Snuff – Slipknot
Somewhere Love Remains – Lady Antebellum
Tears Don’t Fall – Bullet For My Valentine
Without You – Hinder
You Should Know Where I’m Coming From – Banks
Shattered Lives Series
My Own Nightmare / Somewhere I Belong / Shatter Me Whole /
Sparks Of Deception / Living In Your Hell
The Cowboy Way Series
Wrangled By Love
A Rescue Series Novella
A Marshal’s Courage
Dirty Fairy Tales Anthology – What Big Teeth
The Parlour Anthology – Ultimate Control
Shaded With Love: A Coloring Book for a Cause Vol 5
~ Meet K.A. Graham ~
K.A. Graham grew up in a small town in Oregon. Through the years, her love for writing and poetry, turned into something she had only dreamt of. Writing her own book. She’s faced many obstacles in her life, but the love and devotion of her parents, have always kept her grounded.
She is an avid reader, blogger and does PA work for a few authors, which keeps her quite busy. Hard rock music lover and horror movie buff, with a love and appreciation for tattoos. Her addictions include copious amounts of caffeine, Chinese food and Haribos candy. #EmbraceTheLove #ForgetTheHate
~ Meet Barb Shuler ~
I’m a Carolina Girl by right and a Texan by birth… so I have a Texas-sized temper. Living and working in both states I’ve learned a lot about hard work, adapting to your surroundings and making the best of the path that you have been led down. My grandma Dollie once told me I would know what I was meant to do when it happened. She was right, as always.
As with most book lovers, I am an avid reader. Reading has always been a hobby – a passion, really. Reading helps to expand the perimeters of one’s mind. That is what got me to start writing as a kid. If I had paper…or a wall… I was writing. Words are a part of us all. Why not use them, right?
During the day I work as a ‘desk jockey’ and help the residents of my county navigate themselves around our little, but not too little country town. By night I am either blogging, doing PA work for some of my favorite authors or I am fighting with the voices in my head. (They can be stubborn at times.) It’s a way to cope and make the troubles of the day disappear, if only for a few hours. It’s a blessing and I am cherishing every moment. For that which is my creation, may become someone else’s treasure.
Tomorrow is never guaranteed so I want to make sure I live the day as fully as possible.
~ Connect with Barb here ~